Some Catholic Humor

I think I could be a better Catholic if I could see just one miracle--like maybe the parish church completely full for a weekday Mass.


Teaching CCD is hard--especially when a 6-year-old says to you, "Okay, if Jesus was so cool, why didn't he wear Sketchers instead of those cheap-looking sandals?

And right in the middle of thanking God for moms and dads, a 4-year-old yells out, "My dad shot a deer!"

Some Catholics never miss Mass--even when they don't go.


There are worse places to be than in church. And I've been in most of them.

You know your pastor needs to liven up his homilies when people show up early just to get a window seat.

I know I should be in church more instead of the spa, but I actually do pray a lot more when I am getting a make-over.

Every time I sing at church, attendance drops off. The pastor promised me two weeks' free tithe if I just lip sinc.

I got even with him -- I signed up for the choir. I heard they really needed new members -- especially ones with strong voices.

I like music with a good beat where I can clap my hands and dance if I'm in the mood. On All Saints Day when everyone was singing "For all the Saints" I belted out "When the Saints Come Marching In" just to liven things up a little. I could tell the choir diector really liked it. She kept waving her hand at me, but I was singing as loud as I could.

I think I'm going to sign up to be a lector because there are way too many men up on that altar. Besides, the readings could really use a woman's touch.

Of course, I would carry a full bouquet of roses, carnations and babies breath up with me and place it on the podium to brighten up my complexion and make things look pretty and smell nice ... Oh ... and one of those jumbo water pistols to squirt anybody who snores while I'm reading.


Comments

  1. Hi Jean!

    Thank you for leaving your comments at Vivificat!. I've just added you to my blogroll. I too am an Oblate, a revert, etc. You may read more on that in the "Who is Theophilus?" link on my site. Loved your quote from Captain Janeway. I may have to steal it!

    In Christ,
    -Theo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Theo,

    I enjoyed spending time on your site -- great posts and useful links.

    I like her quote, too.

    God bless,
    Jean

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.

Blog Archive

Show more

Popular posts from this blog

The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Saint Michael de Sanctis: Patron of Cancer Patients

Saint Gerard of Brogne: Patron of Abbots