Parent Jokes
Raising Boys
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is NOT strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
You should NOT throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late,
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Women Should Not Have Children After 35
This is one of those controversial statements but I fully stand behind it.
Women should not have children after 35!
Some say, "Of course women can have children after 35!
"They don't know what they are talking about and I can guarantee they have had very little experience in the matter.
I don't care what the doctor says.
I don't care what your friends say.
I don't even care what your pastor says.
Women should not have children after 35!
I don't advise it, I vehemently recommend against it, and loudly and even at times rudely tell people "don't even consider it.
"You can quote me on this.
If you want to say that I said it.
And I said it more than once.
"Women should not have children after 35!"
Some will send rude e-mails proclaiming the freedom of the womb but I still stand by what I said.
You may disagree with me, that's your right.
I still stand firm on the issue.
With most things I keep an open mind but not on this issue.
If I find an exception to this rule, then I will be open to change but for now, it's firmly closed because I have never seen an exception.
Women should not have children after 35!
35 children are enough!
New Baby
Little Johnny's new baby sister was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get her?"
His mother replied, "She came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw her out!"
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is NOT strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
You should NOT throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late,
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Women Should Not Have Children After 35
This is one of those controversial statements but I fully stand behind it.
Women should not have children after 35!
Some say, "Of course women can have children after 35!
"They don't know what they are talking about and I can guarantee they have had very little experience in the matter.
I don't care what the doctor says.
I don't care what your friends say.
I don't even care what your pastor says.
Women should not have children after 35!
I don't advise it, I vehemently recommend against it, and loudly and even at times rudely tell people "don't even consider it.
"You can quote me on this.
If you want to say that I said it.
And I said it more than once.
"Women should not have children after 35!"
Some will send rude e-mails proclaiming the freedom of the womb but I still stand by what I said.
You may disagree with me, that's your right.
I still stand firm on the issue.
With most things I keep an open mind but not on this issue.
If I find an exception to this rule, then I will be open to change but for now, it's firmly closed because I have never seen an exception.
Women should not have children after 35!
35 children are enough!
New Baby
Little Johnny's new baby sister was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get her?"
His mother replied, "She came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw her out!"
LOL! I can relate to the 1st one, which sounds a lot like my boys when they were little.
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