Humor For a Friday: Groucho Marx Quotes


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Time wounds all heels.

Comments

  1. LOL!
    I love this one: "Who are you going to believe--me or your own eyes?"

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.

Blog Archive

Show more

Popular posts from this blog

The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Saint Michael de Sanctis: Patron of Cancer Patients

Saint Gerard of Brogne: Patron of Abbots