Lenten Spirituality: Forgiveness


Many years ago, I went through inner healing with a spiritual director to rid myself of a block in my spiritual life – unforgiveness. I wanted to grow spiritually, but was unable to due to this obstacle. I wanted to experience the fullness of God’s peace, which He gives so freely to those who open their hearts to Him.

When I went through this process, I realized that in my life, there was not just one person I needed to forgive, but many, throughout the various stages of my life. It was not an easy journey, but one that taught me valuable lessons.

Here are a few of the lessons I learned:

First, without forgiveness in our lives, we cannot experience the fullness of God’s love and the peace and joy that comes with it.

Second, I learned that forgiveness is not an emotion, but an act of the will. You can still feel hurt by the injustice that was done to you, but make the decision to forgive the person who hurt you.

Third, I began to think of all the times that I needed to be forgiven for the sins I have committed in this life and learned to develop empathy for others who were less than perfect and needed my forgiveness.

Fourth, I realized that if I permitted myself to forgive another person, I could release both myself and the person I was unable to forgive from the shackles that bound us. When you forgive, you are both set free.

Fifth, I learned to remember the painful situation and the important lessons I learned from the experience, but to forget the grudge against the person who offended me.

Sixth, I realized that forgiveness is a gift from God and is only possible through the grace of God. I learned the value of prayer and how important it is to ask for God’s help in order to forgive others completely. I also realized how important it is to pray for the other person – for their healing and the salvation of their soul.

We are so blessed in the Catholic Church with the Sacrament of Reconciliation, which is the Sacrament of Healing. The sin of unforgiveness can result in emotional, psychological, and physical problems. Sometimes, when people fail to face the reality of the situation, they bury it in their subconscious mind and seek help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, or a medical doctor. While this may lessen or dull the pain, it doesn’t get to the root cause of the problem and the healing obtained will be incomplete.

Unforgiveness is a spiritual problem and the best way of dealing with it is through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is normally something that is not a quick fix, but needs continuous work. For example, the gardener will weed the garden only to return a few days later to find more weeds growing. Again, he must go through the laborious task of having to weed his garden. This process will need to be repeated again and again, but each time, there will be fewer weeds growing.

A Tip for Healing:

I use a visualization technique to help me to accept an individual and open myself up to him. I close my eyes and imagine that person with Jesus – perhaps the person is sitting on the Lord’s lap or walking with him hand in hand through a garden. Then, I tell Jesus: "I love him because You love him."

Remember:

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12)

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness."
From "LIGHT FROM HEAVEN by Jan Karon


Forgiveness Prayer

(The following prayer covers most significant areas of forgiveness and will bring to mind others. Let the Holy Spirit move freely and guide your mind to persons or groups you need to forgive.)

LORD JESUS CHRIST, I ask today to forgive everyone in my life. I know that You will give me the strength to forgive and I thank You that You love me more than I love myself and want my happiness more than I desire it for myself.

Father, I forgive You for the times death has come into my family, hard times, financial difficulties, or what I thought were punishments sent by You and people said "It's God's will," and I became bitter and resentful towards You. Purify my heart and mind today.

Lord, I forgive MYSELF for my sins, faults and failings, and for all that is bad in myself or that I think is bad. For any delvings in superstition, using ouija boards, horoscopes, going to seances, using fortune telling or wearing lucky charms, I reject all that superstition and choose You alone as my Lord and Savior. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit.

I further forgive myself for taking Your name in vain, not worshipping You by attending church, for hurting my parents, getting drunk, fornication, adultery, homosexuality. You have forgiven me; today I forgive myself. Also, for abortion, stealing, lying, defrauding, hurting peoples' reputation, I forgive myself.

I truly forgive my MOTHER. I forgive her for all the times she hurt me, she resented me, she was angry with me and for all the times she punished me. I forgive her for the times she preferred my brothers and sisters to me. I forgive her for the times she told me I was dumb, ugly, stupid, the worst of the children or that I cost the family a lot of money. For the times she told me I was unwanted, an accident, a mistake or not what she expected, I forgive her.

I forgive my FATHER. I forgive him for any non-support, any lack of love, affection, or attention. I forgive him for any lack of time, for not giving me his companionship, for his drinking, arguing and fighting with my mother or the other children. For his severe punishments, for desertion, for being away from home, for divorcing my mother or for any running around, I do forgive him.

Lord, I extend forgiveness to my SISTERS AND BROTHERS. I forgive those who rejected me, lied about me, hated me, resented me, competed for my parents' love, those who hurt me, who physically harmed me. For those who were too severe on me, punished me or made my life unpleasant in any way, I do forgive them.

Lord, I forgive my SPOUSE for lack of love, affection, consideration, support, attention, communication; for faults, failings, weaknesses and those other acts or words that hurt or disturb me.

Jesus, I forgive my CHILDREN for their lack of respect, obedience, love, attention, support, warmth, understanding; for their bad habits, falling away from the church, any bad actions which disturb me.

My God, I forgive my IN-LAWS, my mother-in-law, father-in-law, son/daughter-in-law and other relatives by marriage, who treat my family with a lack of love. For all their words, thoughts, actions or omissions which injure and cause pain, I forgive them.

Please help me to forgive my RELATIVES, my grandmother and grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins who may have interfered in our family, been possessive of my parents, who may have caused confusion or turned one parent against another.

Jesus, help me to forgive my CO-WORKERS who are disagreeable or make life miserable for me. For those who push their work off on me, gossip about me, won't cooperate with me, try to take my job, I do forgive them.

My NEIGHBORS need to be forgiven, Lord. For all their noise, letting their property run down, not tying up their dogs, who run through my yard, not taking in their trash barrels, being prejudiced and running down the neighborhood, I do forgive them.

I now forgive all priests, ministers, nuns, my parish, parish organizations, my pastor, bishop, the Pope, and the church for their lack of support, affirmation, bad sermons, pettiness, lack of friendliness, not providing my family with the inspiration we needed, for any hurts they have inflicted on me or my family, even in the distant past, I forgive them today.

Lord, I forgive all those who are of different PERSUASIONS, those of opposite political views who have attacked me, ridiculed me, discriminated against me, made fun of me, economically hurt me.

I forgive those of different religious DENOMINATIONS who have tried to convert me, harassed me, attacked me, argued with me, forced their views on me.

Those who have harmed me ETHNICALLY, have discriminated against me, mocked me, made jokes about my race or nationality, hurt my family physically, emotionally or economically, I do forgive them today.

Lord, I forgive all PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE who have hurt me in any way: doctors, nurses, lawyers, judges, politicians and civil servants. I forgive all service people: policemen, firemen, bus drivers, hospital workers and especially repairmen who have taken advantage of me in their work.

Lord, I forgive my EMPLOYER for not paying me enough money, for not appreciating my work, for being unkind and unreasonable with me, for being angry and unfriendly, for not promoting me, and for not complimenting me on my work.

Lord, I forgive my SCHOOLTEACHERS AND INSTRUCTORS of the past as well as the present. For those who punished me, humiliated me, insulted me, treated me unjustly, made fun of me, called my dumb or stupid, made me stay after school, I truly forgive them.

Lord, I forgive my FRIENDS who have let me down, lost contact with me, do not support me, were not available when I needed help, borrowed money and did not return it, gossiped about me.

Lord Jesus, I especially pray for the grace of forgiveness for that ONE PERSON in life who has HURT ME THE MOST. I ask to forgive anyone who I consider my greatest enemy, the one who is the hardest to forgive, the one I said I will never forgive.

Lord, I beg pardon of all these people for the hurt I have inflicted on them, especially my mother and father, and my marriage partner. I am especially sorry for the three greatest hurts I have inflicted on them.

Thank you, Jesus, that I am being freed of the evil of unforgiveness. Let your Holy Spirit fill me with light and let every dark area of my mind be enlightened. AMEN.

Comments

  1. I also believe that there is great peace in forgiving those who have wronged you. I read the most inspiring book on forgiveness titled, "Murder by Family" and written by Kent Whitaker. His wife and son were murdered and he forgave the man who murdered them (which by the way the murderer was his oldest son). This man is so amazing- to have so much love for a criminal who took everything away from him. This book has given me a whole different perspective on criminals and victims. Forgiveness really is important.

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