The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ARTHUR ANDERSEN: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road . It transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

HILLARY CLINTON: I'm not going to have some chicken clawing through our papers. You tell him to get back on the other side of the road. We are the president!

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; it was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

JOHN LOCKE: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

ALBERT CAMUS: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

THE POPE: That is only for God to know.

IMMANUAL KANT: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ERICH MARIA REMARQUE: The chicken crossed the road because, after his experience with war, he no longer felt at home in his home.

M.C. ESCHERr: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

BARACK OBAMA(NATION): If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. That chicken is making progress. He's on his way to vote for me a second time and he'll achieve his goal because if I don't get his vote the first time, I'm going to get his vote the next time. And, in this country, there are no liberals or conservatives, only constitutents who are paid to vote for good old home boys like me, right Governor B.? Did I read it right this time, Kerry? I 've been practising this speech for the past year so I could appear on National TV and look smart. Duh...did I do it?

GEORGE ORWELL: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

JULIA CHILD: So I could whack the h--- out of him! Bring on the coq au vin! Bon Appetite!

BILL CLINTON: You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that chicken out. That's a good-looking chicken!

B.F SKINNER: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

JEAN-PAUL SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

PYRRHO THE SKEPTIC: What road?

THE SPHINX: You tell me.

EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.