The Effects of Want of Love: A Reflection

Most people in the world are unloved. Some do not make themselves lovable because of their selfishness; others do not have enough Christian spirit to love those who do not love them. The result is that the world is full of lonely hearts. Here we speak of love not in the romantic or carnal sense, but in the higher sense of generosity, forgiveness, kindness, and sacrifice. Perhaps it would help to know some of the psychological effects of not loving others in a really noble and unselfish way.

The first effect of not receiving love ... is cynicism and even hostility. Never a good word can be said for anyone. Because one is unloved one tries to make everyone else unlovable...

And the effect of want of love is the martyrdom complex, which is a morbid way to get pity and sympathy when real love is gone. Feigning sickness is one of the tricks. Because good health does not win the affections of others, one pretends to be wounded in the firm hope that someone else will bind the wounds. The "pain" which is in the mind is loss of love. That "pain" is translated to the body and becomes sickness.

Another type of reaction is in those who admit that they need love but say, "I will pretend from now on that I do not need it." As a result, they will become quarrelsome, oppose every idea and suggestion regardless of how good it is, develop anti-social instincts, smoke in front of no-smoking signs, and park in front of no-parking signs.

It is very likely that the over-emphasis on security in society today is due to a want of love. In other generations people wanted to be happy in the framework both of a family and of a permanent marriage bond, or in the embrace of religion. Now the instability of the home through divorce is increasing. A substitute must be found for married love, and it comes out in a ruthless quest for power and security which is only one of the lesser ingredients of happiness.

There is no cure for want of love, but love. There will always be love for the lovable, but there will never be love for the unlovable unless we begin to love them for God's sake. Thus, we are brought back again to religion and to God whose New Testament definition of His essence is: "God is love."

~ Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen in The Way to Happiness
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