Joke of the Day
(An oldie, but goodie)

How many does it take to change a light bulb?
PRESBYTERIANS: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
PENTACOSTALS: Six. One to change it, and five to pray against the spirit of darkness.
MORMONS: Five. One guy to change it, and four wives to give him advice on how to do it (plus three wives who nagged him to do it in the first place).
METHODIST. You decide. You can be a light bulb, a turnip bulb, or a tulip bulb. (And remember to bring a covered dish.)
UNITARIANS: We choose not to make statement either in favor of or against light-bulb changing. If, on your own journey, you find light bulb changing works for you, fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance to express your own light bulb changing reality at our next service, if you decide to come, not that it matters either way.
ZEN BUDDHISTS: Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to not change the light bulb.
AGNOSTICS. Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to doubt whether the power company really exists.
PANTHEISTS. Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to pray to it.
ELECTRICIANS: One.
(Get it? One electrician. Ho ho! Yes, this is the one we made up.)
DOGS: None. Paws prove insurmountable obstacles to success.
CATHOLICS: None. Candles only.
SPAMMERS. Five hundred. And, after you change it, we GUARANTEE you will make $104,000 in less than three minutes if you click on Surefire Ways to Make Money Changing Light Bulbs Online, and as a bonus, lose at least 25 pounds before sun up tomorrow without dieting or exercise. Credit card please.
AMISH: What's a light bulb?
-

Comments

Post a Comment

Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.

Blog Archive

Show more

Popular posts from this blog

The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Image
August 11 is the memorial of St. Clare, one of my favorite saints. She was the first woman to follow the life of radical poverty practiced by St. Francis of Assisi and is the co-founder of the Poor Clares. Although I am not a Franciscan, I have had Franciscan friends, clergy, and spiritual directors instruct me on the beauty of St. Clare's spirituality. I have also learned a great deal from reading about her over the years. Clare and Francis (2007) is a film which depicts the fascinating story of her dramatic conversion and surrender to the will of God. St. Clare is the patron saint of television. She is also the patron of eye disorders, embroiderers, good weather, and telephones. The Contemplative Life The Lady Clare was born into a noble family in Assisi in 1193 and was admired for her great beauty. When she heard Francis of Assisi preach his Lenten homilies at the Church of San Giorgio, she was captivated by his words. At age eighteen, she heard him say: "When the
Read more

Saint Michael de Sanctis: Patron of Cancer Patients

Image
Today is the feast of Saint Michael de Sanctis, also known as St. Michael of the Saints, a Spanish Discalced Trinitarian priest, the patron of cancer patients. Michael Argemir was born on September 29, 1591 at Vic, Catalonia, Spain. At age 6, he told his parents that he planned to become a monk and began modeling his life after Saint Francis of Assisi. Michael’s parents died when he was about ten years old. He then served as an apprentice with a local merchant. During this apprenticeship, he continued his fervent devotion to the Lord, especially to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. At the age of 12, he joined the Trinitarian Friars at Barcelona, taking his vows at St. Lambert’s monastery in Saragosa four years later.  Shortly afterwards, Michael expressed a desire to join the reformed group of Trinitarians and was given permission to do so. He went to the Novitiate at Madrid and, after studies at Seville and Salamanca, he was ordained a priest. Twice he served as Superior of the hou
Read more

Saint Gerard of Brogne: Patron of Abbots

Image
St. Gerard was born to a noble family in Staves, Belgium, in 895. He descended from a royal line of military men and at first felt a share in this call to arms. He trained for the army and, as a page of the count of Namur, he was sent on a special mission to the French court. There, Gerard realized that he was being called to the monastic life. He stayed in France and joined the Benedictines of St. Denis, abandoning his noble birthright and all his worldly possessions. He spent eleven years in France as a monk before becoming a priest. Following his ordination, he left for Belgium in order to found a new abbey on his own estate of Brogne. He was its abbot for twenty-two years and during that period was instrumental in introducing St. Benedict's Rule into numerous houses in Flanders, Lorraine and Champagne.He became known for his engaging sweetness of temper, his strict observance of the Rule of St. Benedict and for the replacement of lukewarm religious practice with true piety.
Read more