Catholic Fire

I don't remember who it was that did this, though I think it was Pope John XXIII. A woman approached him at a wedding or some such event. The woman was very scantily clad with bosoms hanging out and a revealing dress. Popel Paul III handed her an apple. She asked, "Why are you giving me an apple?" He replied, "It wasn't until after Eve ate the apple that she realized she was naked!" Via Steve Ray's Blog. Thanks for sharing this, Esther!

A woman bought a dress she knew she couldn't afford. "Why did you do it?" her husband asked. "I just couldn't help it", she alibied. "The devil tempted me." "Why didn't you say 'Get thee behind me Satan?' " "I did. But he just leaned over my shoulder and whispered, 'My dear, it fits you beautifully in the back.' "

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist? Someone who rings your doorbell for absolutely no reason at all! Thanks, Tanja!

Father O'Hara woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny summer day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and asked him to do the morning Mass for him that day. He then headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away so he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you? The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father O'Hara hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord s...

My thanks to Bill who sent me this joke. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20, kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5. Now, do you understand the difference?

A group of chess enthusiasts check into a posh hotel and stand in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the concierge comes out and asks them to disperse."But why?" they protested."Because," the concierge replies with a huff, "we simply will not tolerate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair. "To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they al...

A writer dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “We offer a special deal to writers here. You can choose whether you go to Heaven or Hell. Let’s look at Hell first.” He leads the author downstairs, and opens the door to a large room, where a number of writers toil away at word processors. They are scowling and sweating. Whenever they pause, a devil comes along and whacks them with a whip. “This isn’t very pleasant,” says the writer. “Let’s see what Heaven looks like.” St. Peter leads him up to Heaven, and opens a door to a large room precisely like the first one. Here also a large number of writers sit hunched over word processors, scowling and sweating. Whenever they pause, an angel comes along and whacks them with a whip. “I don’t get it,” says the writer. “What’s the difference between Heaven and Hell?” “The difference,” says St. Peter, “is that here you get published.”