CONTRACEPTION/ABORTION: WHY IT IS MY ISSUE

Part I

I recently received a comment on my blog which asked the question about abortion, "Why it is your issue?" Of course I have heard it stated before that it is an issue between a woman and her God, but I think it is time that I reflect on this reader's question and verbalize why I am involved in the pro-life movement,how it all came about, and what it all means to me. Perhaps, it will help others understand me and my motivations better as well as help educate others who may be indifferent, or perhaps confused as to why pro-lifers do what they do and why they are so adamant and determined in their efforts.

I am normally a very private person and disclose little about myself to others, so this is not an easy task for me. I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide my thoughts and give me wisdom and the words to write this.

Earliest Remembrances

I don't remember thinking about abortion or hearing anything about it growing up. My first exposure to anything even connected with it was when my younger (now deceased) sister told me that she had gone to the gynecologist to get on the pill. At the time, I was engaged to be married and was being pressured by my fiancee to have sexual intercourse as well as to take the birth control pill to avoid pregnancy prior to our marriage. I did not want to submit to his wishes, but the pressure increased and I rationalized that it was ok because we really loved one another.

For the first two months I was on the pill, I became very ill with nausea, dizziness, and constant headaches, but eventually felt better. In fact, the severe cramps that accompanied my monthly periods disappeared and the irregularity I had prior to taking the pill was gone. I was free at last -- free from the fear of pregnancy and menstrual distress and I was in control of my body -- how much better could it get than this? Unfortunately, things went downhill with my relationship and my morals from that day forward. Because I was on the pill, I became stuck in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and ended up supporting a man who had no respect for me. He threatened to kill me if I ever divorced him and had made some attempts to do so despite a court order of restriction to stay away from me. Because he violated that order, I was able to obtain a divorce sooner than two years (as he fought the divorce in order to hang on to me for as long as possible out of spite). The divorce left me shattered emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was quite bitter for some time, despite counseling.

When I began to date again, those feelings of anger and mistrust arose in me every time I met a new man. I had left my Catholic faith and was desperately in need of spiritual healing, which counseling with a secular professional failed to provide.

Eventually, I went on with my life and began to feel better about myself as I returned to college and obtained two degrees. However, my whole view of men, sex, and contraception continued to be distorted as it adhered to the secular view and not God's commandments. While in school, although on the pill, I had a terrible fear of becoming pregnant and the thought in the back of my mind was always,"If it happens, I'll just get an abortion." I had no idea what an abortion was and really didn't like the idea, but I viewed it as a minor procedure where some tissue was removed in a doctor's office. And, Of course, it was a personal decision that I would make on my own -- it had nothing to do with God.

(To be continued)