Humor for the Day

From Our Finest Minds

A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is proven.

Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien Quoted Page A-15, The Winnipeg Free Press, Sept. 21, reference to the possibility of Saddam Hussein's production of weapons of mass destruction Source: Peter Warren's Stupidest Canadian Comment Contest (Jean Chrétien's comment ranked first)

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
—Fran Lebowitz

The best thing about being a lesbian in the early 1970s is you never, ever thought you would have to get married.

— Elizabeth Birch [Homosexual] Rights Campaign president


The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
— Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder.

— Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention


Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.

— Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery

The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people that make them unsafe.

— Frank Rizzo Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
— Former US vice-president Dan Quayle

They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
— Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
— Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
— Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
— Former French President Charles de Gaulle

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.
— A congressional candidate in Texas

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.
— Former US vice-president Dan Quayle
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