Joke of the Day
You Just Might Be In the Wrong Parish Church If....
You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.
The choir performs "Ave Maria" - as a polka!
The seats up front are reserved for those wearing rainbow sashes.
A week before Christmas the pastor announces the church will be "closed for the holidays."
The CCD budget just got cut in half, but the church Director of Finance has just purchased a new Harley.
On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their new deacon.
On the offering envelopes is printed "Please make checks payable directly to the pastor."
Everyone is wearing black and caring weapons instead of missalettes.
The floral arrangement on the altar is in the shape of a big horseshoe... that reads "Hollywood Park."
Madonna is the Director of Youth Ministry.
Everyone is handcuffed together at the ankles after Communion.
You are the only person in the sanctuary and it's 15 minutes after Mass is scheduled to start.
The confessional has a coin slot and a hand lever.
The baptismal fount has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two or three seated adults, and looks suspiciously like a Jacuzzi.
Bill Clinton is the speaker of the day and his topic is "Morality In America - How To Be A Shining Example".
The pastor falls asleep while delivering his own homily.
Sr. Mary Jo announces she is taking her second grade CCD class on a field trip to the local Planned Parenthood for sex education.
The ushers passing around the offering basket are wearing ski masks.
The Bible they use is the "New Revised Inclusive for Radical Feminists" version.
The Choir wears black leather robes.
The offering basket has been passed three times and the Mass hasn't even begun yet.
The RCIA class meets twice weekly at Tommy's Tap.
When the choir sings, the dogs outside begin to howl, and are closer to being in tune.
Brittany Spears concelebrates Mass with the pastor.
The hosts are made up at Godfather's pizza .
New member candidates are required to submit W-2's for the last 5 years.
The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound".
The recessional hymn is "Who Let the Dogs Out."
You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.
The choir performs "Ave Maria" - as a polka!
The seats up front are reserved for those wearing rainbow sashes.
A week before Christmas the pastor announces the church will be "closed for the holidays."
The CCD budget just got cut in half, but the church Director of Finance has just purchased a new Harley.
On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their new deacon.
On the offering envelopes is printed "Please make checks payable directly to the pastor."
Everyone is wearing black and caring weapons instead of missalettes.
The floral arrangement on the altar is in the shape of a big horseshoe... that reads "Hollywood Park."
Madonna is the Director of Youth Ministry.
Everyone is handcuffed together at the ankles after Communion.
You are the only person in the sanctuary and it's 15 minutes after Mass is scheduled to start.
The confessional has a coin slot and a hand lever.
The baptismal fount has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two or three seated adults, and looks suspiciously like a Jacuzzi.
Bill Clinton is the speaker of the day and his topic is "Morality In America - How To Be A Shining Example".
The pastor falls asleep while delivering his own homily.
Sr. Mary Jo announces she is taking her second grade CCD class on a field trip to the local Planned Parenthood for sex education.
The ushers passing around the offering basket are wearing ski masks.
The Bible they use is the "New Revised Inclusive for Radical Feminists" version.
The Choir wears black leather robes.
The offering basket has been passed three times and the Mass hasn't even begun yet.
The RCIA class meets twice weekly at Tommy's Tap.
When the choir sings, the dogs outside begin to howl, and are closer to being in tune.
Brittany Spears concelebrates Mass with the pastor.
The hosts are made up at Godfather's pizza .
New member candidates are required to submit W-2's for the last 5 years.
The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound".
The recessional hymn is "Who Let the Dogs Out."
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