Christmas Shopping Rules for Men

Since the majority of men purchase gifts for their wives during the final week of Christmas (most often on Christmas Eve), I am not too late with this post.

Getting a personal gift for your wife or woman friend has specific rules, like a size limit on a fish caught in a lake. Here are some that will help keep you out of trouble:

- Avoid sizes. If you have to get her any clothing, get a size too small. This translates in her mind as a compliment.

- No underwear, teddies, or pajamas unless otherwise requested. This is interpreted as a gift for you.

- If it comes from a store you are comfortable in, get something else. There are no personal items for women in sporting goods, hardware, liquor, or fishing/tackle stores. The possible exception is if you are building that romantic porch swing she has bugged you about for years. In this case, have it finished before Christmas, or you will have to go back into the forest for something else.

- No plants, flowers, or cards by themselves. These are for other occasions, weddings, and deaths. These are interpreted as make-do gifts, such as those things you grab at the last minute at the airport, the gas station, or the check-out stand.

- The gift must be personal and impractical. The breadmaker and blender are used by everyone in the house, not just her. It must be hers and hers alone.

- Things that enhance her personal hobby or collection are sure winners.

- Expensive candy is okay, but does not constitute the main gift. Put this in her Christmas stocking with the plastic candy cane you forgot to put back.

- Never purchase cologne, body mist, or perfume, unless you know for certain her specific preference. Getting her the wrong scent is equivalent to her getting you a twelve pack of Coors Lite when you're a Michelob kind of guy.

- Gift cards she can use for after-Holiday shopping sprees are wonderful. However, she will probably not appreciate gift cards from any of the following stores: Bob's Hardware, Dick's Sporting Goods, Peter's Pipe and Cigar Shop, Home Depot, Bubba Jack's Tackle, Golden Moose Liquors, or Big Bear Butt's Gun Shop.

- Most women like jewelry -- it doesn't have to cost a fortune. Something that reminds you of the color of her eyes or hair along with a sentiment -- a personalized poem -- attached is meaningful and will leave a lasting impression. Just make sure you spell her name correctly and that you don't put your ex's name down by mistake or you may not live to enjoy another Christmas season.
-

Comments

  1. Anonymous12/17/05, 8:10 AM

    No underwear, teddies, or pajamas unless otherwise requested. This is interpreted as a gift for you.

    I don't think that's ever a misinterpretation, either, do you?
    It always amuses me to see some of the men outside of Victoria's Secret trying to get the nerve to go inside.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jean Heimann12/17/05, 1:24 PM

    Rhonda,

    I agree.

    Men are funny creatures, aren't they? Victoria's Secret needs to have a "Secret Shopping Day for Men."

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous12/17/05, 5:01 PM

    lol :)

    ReplyDelete

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