Weekend Humor: True Stories

At the children's Mass, the pastor's sermon was unusually lengthy, and one of the 60 kindergarteners in attendance grew especially restless and talkative. After some time, I finally whispered a message to John, one of my brightest students, telling him to put an end to the constant chatter. He didn't seem eager to obey, so I repeated the the request. Reluctantly, John left his place and slowly walked to the front of the church. John looked up at the pastor -- who was still giving the homily and said loudly, "Sister said for you to stop talking!"

~Via the Catholic Digest.


***

Last Sunday, the priest at our local Catholic church began his sermon with a supposedly true story...

"I was on a plane last week, flying from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence.
As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and finally even the stewardesses began to look concerned.
Finally, one of them came over to me and said,"Father, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could... I don't know... 'Do something Catholic?'"

"So I took up a collection."


***

The male CCD teacher at our local parish who was known for his easy-going and patient nature was at Saturday evening Mass with his two children, while mom was at home, recovering from surgery. His beautiful blond haired blue - eyed three year old was known for being a "drama queen" - dancing in the aisles of church and for starting fights with 2 - year - old brother to get daddy's attention. At This weekend Mass, while the priest was giving his homily on creating a meditative, quiet, peaceful, and loving atmosphere in the home, the three year old began her dancing routine on the the pew, resembling a blond version of Shirley Temple as a child. Then, quite suddenly, she slipped and fell, landing on top of her little brother. Both children began crying loudly, so daddy picked them both up - one in each arm and carried them out of church. As they were leaving, the little girl, with her arms up in the air, looking out at the entire congregation with tear-filled eyes yelled, "Daddy, don't beat me!"
"Daddy, don't beat me!"
-

Comments

  1. Anonymous6/10/07, 1:59 AM

    LOL! Love these - especially the last one.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.

Blog Archive

Show more

Popular posts from this blog

The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Image
August 11 is the memorial of St. Clare, one of my favorite saints. She was the first woman to follow the life of radical poverty practiced by St. Francis of Assisi and is the co-founder of the Poor Clares. Although I am not a Franciscan, I have had Franciscan friends, clergy, and spiritual directors instruct me on the beauty of St. Clare's spirituality. I have also learned a great deal from reading about her over the years. Clare and Francis (2007) is a film which depicts the fascinating story of her dramatic conversion and surrender to the will of God. St. Clare is the patron saint of television. She is also the patron of eye disorders, embroiderers, good weather, and telephones. The Contemplative Life The Lady Clare was born into a noble family in Assisi in 1193 and was admired for her great beauty. When she heard Francis of Assisi preach his Lenten homilies at the Church of San Giorgio, she was captivated by his words. At age eighteen, she heard him say: "When the
Read more

Saint Michael de Sanctis: Patron of Cancer Patients

Image
Today is the feast of Saint Michael de Sanctis, also known as St. Michael of the Saints, a Spanish Discalced Trinitarian priest, the patron of cancer patients. Michael Argemir was born on September 29, 1591 at Vic, Catalonia, Spain. At age 6, he told his parents that he planned to become a monk and began modeling his life after Saint Francis of Assisi. Michael’s parents died when he was about ten years old. He then served as an apprentice with a local merchant. During this apprenticeship, he continued his fervent devotion to the Lord, especially to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. At the age of 12, he joined the Trinitarian Friars at Barcelona, taking his vows at St. Lambert’s monastery in Saragosa four years later.  Shortly afterwards, Michael expressed a desire to join the reformed group of Trinitarians and was given permission to do so. He went to the Novitiate at Madrid and, after studies at Seville and Salamanca, he was ordained a priest. Twice he served as Superior of the hou
Read more

Saint Gerard of Brogne: Patron of Abbots

Image
St. Gerard was born to a noble family in Staves, Belgium, in 895. He descended from a royal line of military men and at first felt a share in this call to arms. He trained for the army and, as a page of the count of Namur, he was sent on a special mission to the French court. There, Gerard realized that he was being called to the monastic life. He stayed in France and joined the Benedictines of St. Denis, abandoning his noble birthright and all his worldly possessions. He spent eleven years in France as a monk before becoming a priest. Following his ordination, he left for Belgium in order to found a new abbey on his own estate of Brogne. He was its abbot for twenty-two years and during that period was instrumental in introducing St. Benedict's Rule into numerous houses in Flanders, Lorraine and Champagne.He became known for his engaging sweetness of temper, his strict observance of the Rule of St. Benedict and for the replacement of lukewarm religious practice with true piety.
Read more