Christmas Shopping Rules for Men

Since the majority of men purchase gifts for their wives during the final week of Christmas (most often on Christmas Eve), I am not too late with this post.

Getting a personal gift for your wife or woman friend has specific rules, like a size limit on a fish caught in a lake. Here are some that will help keep you out of trouble:

- Avoid sizes. If you have to get her any clothing, get a size too small. This translates in her mind as a compliment.

- No underwear, teddies, or pajamas unless otherwise requested. This is interpreted as a gift for you.

- If it comes from a store you are comfortable in, get something else. There are no personal items for women in sporting goods, hardware, liquor, or fishing/tackle stores. The possible exception is if you are building that romantic porch swing she has bugged you about for years. In this case, have it finished before Christmas, or you will have to go back into the forest for something else.

- No plants, flowers, or cards by themselves. These are for other occasions, weddings, and deaths. These are interpreted as make-do gifts, such as those things you grab at the last minute at the airport, the gas station, or the check-out stand.

- The gift must be personal and impractical. The breadmaker and blender are used by everyone in the house, not just her. It must be hers and hers alone.

- Things that enhance her personal hobby or collection are sure winners.

- Expensive candy is okay, but does not constitute the main gift. Put this in her Christmas stocking with the plastic candy cane you forgot to put back.

- Never purchase cologne, body mist, or perfume, unless you know for certain her specific preference. Getting her the wrong scent is equivalent to her getting you a twelve pack of PBR when you're a Michelob Lite kind of guy.

- Gift cards she can use for after-Holiday shopping sprees are wonderful. However, she will probably not appreciate gift cards from any of the following stores: Bob's Hardware, Dick's Sporting Goods, Peter's Pipe and Cigar Shop, Home Depot, Bubba Jack's Tackle, Golden Moose Liquors, or Big Bear Butt's Gun Shop.

- Most women like jewelry -- it doesn't have to cost a fortune. Something that reminds you of the color of her eyes or hair along with a sentiment -- a personalized poem -- attached is meaningful and will leave a lasting impression. Just make sure you spell her name correctly and that you don't put your ex's name down by mistake or you may not live to enjoy another Christmas season.

Revision of an earlier post.
-

Comments

  1. Therese12/18/07, 3:47 PM

    lol. I just read this out to my husband. I wonder if he will follow the rules.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12/19/07, 11:11 PM

    Pretty funny. I always wonder about this kind of thing, though, since if its tongue-in-cheek, then it's quite enjoyable—but if it's at all serious, well... I guess gender stereotyping is acceptable when it comes from women?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Therese12/20/07, 1:05 AM

    Well anonymous, I really don't mind stereotyping. I will laugh and jokes about women just as much as I do men.

    I watched a youtube video the other night that portrayed women as idiots that knew nothing. I laughed at that just as much as I laughed at this.

    sometimes stereotypes are true anyway.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.

Blog Archive

Show more

Popular posts from this blog

The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Image
August 11 is the memorial of St. Clare, one of my favorite saints. She was the first woman to follow the life of radical poverty practiced by St. Francis of Assisi and is the co-founder of the Poor Clares. Although I am not a Franciscan, I have had Franciscan friends, clergy, and spiritual directors instruct me on the beauty of St. Clare's spirituality. I have also learned a great deal from reading about her over the years. Clare and Francis (2007) is a film which depicts the fascinating story of her dramatic conversion and surrender to the will of God. St. Clare is the patron saint of television. She is also the patron of eye disorders, embroiderers, good weather, and telephones. The Contemplative Life The Lady Clare was born into a noble family in Assisi in 1193 and was admired for her great beauty. When she heard Francis of Assisi preach his Lenten homilies at the Church of San Giorgio, she was captivated by his words. At age eighteen, she heard him say: "When the
Read more

Saint Michael de Sanctis: Patron of Cancer Patients

Image
Today is the feast of Saint Michael de Sanctis, also known as St. Michael of the Saints, a Spanish Discalced Trinitarian priest, the patron of cancer patients. Michael Argemir was born on September 29, 1591 at Vic, Catalonia, Spain. At age 6, he told his parents that he planned to become a monk and began modeling his life after Saint Francis of Assisi. Michael’s parents died when he was about ten years old. He then served as an apprentice with a local merchant. During this apprenticeship, he continued his fervent devotion to the Lord, especially to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. At the age of 12, he joined the Trinitarian Friars at Barcelona, taking his vows at St. Lambert’s monastery in Saragosa four years later.  Shortly afterwards, Michael expressed a desire to join the reformed group of Trinitarians and was given permission to do so. He went to the Novitiate at Madrid and, after studies at Seville and Salamanca, he was ordained a priest. Twice he served as Superior of the hou
Read more

Saint Gerard of Brogne: Patron of Abbots

Image
St. Gerard was born to a noble family in Staves, Belgium, in 895. He descended from a royal line of military men and at first felt a share in this call to arms. He trained for the army and, as a page of the count of Namur, he was sent on a special mission to the French court. There, Gerard realized that he was being called to the monastic life. He stayed in France and joined the Benedictines of St. Denis, abandoning his noble birthright and all his worldly possessions. He spent eleven years in France as a monk before becoming a priest. Following his ordination, he left for Belgium in order to found a new abbey on his own estate of Brogne. He was its abbot for twenty-two years and during that period was instrumental in introducing St. Benedict's Rule into numerous houses in Flanders, Lorraine and Champagne.He became known for his engaging sweetness of temper, his strict observance of the Rule of St. Benedict and for the replacement of lukewarm religious practice with true piety.
Read more