Christmas Shopping Rules When Buying Gifts for Men

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.


Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.


Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.) It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")

Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #11: Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.


Rule #12: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Comments

  1. LOL

    Very good Jean. Some of them don't fit me; like I never have parts left over...I'm the sucker who always gets shortchanged parts and have to rig something up on my own.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh but the joy it brings a man to "rig something" of his own.
    All that awesome duct tape, and jars upon jars of screws and nails get to be put to use.
    Remote control ANYTHING is a superb gift.
    My dad's whole house is remote-controlled.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's too bad, Rick, that you weren't around when we moved and cleaned out our garage a few months ago -- we would have been able to keep you in spare parts for years to come. LOL!

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rhonda,

    Is your dad more like Tim Taylor or Al? You guys are from their home state, aren't you?

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  5. My dad doesn't come close to either. He is totally like Fraser Crane. (I've never seen my dad in a pair of jeans in my whole life.)
    He just thinks remote controls are great.
    It used to drive my mother crazy. She couldn't even turn on a light without one.
    Rick and I are in Michigan. But, I was born and raised on the West Coast.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Funny! How do you like living in MI? That's quite a change from the West Coast.

    We vacationed in the UP last summer and I loved it. We drove through the state of MI for the first time and both enjoyed Grand Rapids. It is a lovely state -- especially in the summer.

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  7. BRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially yesterday coming home from Mass. 5=6 inches of snow today. But I love the snow here. But, not the wind. Oh but you know about wind, I'm sure. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. We had only a couple of inches of snow here, but the wind here reminds me of Chicago. Sometimes it's not bad, other days it's unbelievable. It sure is a lot warmer here than IL though.

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  9. Why are there two comment thingies?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tony,

    That is odd -- for some reason the comment number on my individual pages are not always the same as they are on the blog -- I haven't a clue as to why that is or how to change it. If you do, please email me or leave a comment on my blog.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.

Blog Archive

Show more

Popular posts from this blog

St. Raymond Nonnatus, Patron of Expectant Mothers, Midwives, and Newborn Babies

The Spirituality and Miracles of St. Clare of Assisi

Today's Saints: St. Gertrude the Great and St. Margaret of Scotland