Chastity and Purity in Marriage and the Family, Part I
Tonight at our Adult Education meeting, we enjoyed the special privilege of listening to a wonderful Catholic couple speak on "Chastity and Purity in Marriage and in the Family". This was a spiritual treat for all of us.
Our speakers were Maria and Chris, who met at Franciscan University at Steubenville during their first year, then parted ways. Chris left to complete his education at Ave Maria University, where he earned his Bachelor's degree in Theology; Maria stayed on at FUS - Steubenville, where she earned her Bachelor's degree in Education and Theology and a Master's degree in Theology. They have 4 children now and Maria is a homeschooling mom with a new baby.
Here are some of the key points or highlights of their talk that fascinated me.
Chris began by explaining to us how chastity is freeing - it frees us from sin and bad habits. Chastity is the opposite of lust - when we lust, we look upon one another as an object for our own selfish pleasure, while chastity frees love from selfishness and aggressiveness. Chastity frees us to truly love and to give as we ought to give.
CCC 2351: Lust is a disordered desire for inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated for its procreative and unitive purposes.
There are two kinds of virtue: theological and cardinal. The cardinal virtues are: prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. Temperance or self-control is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will's mastery over instincts and keeps the desires within the limits of what is honorable. Chastity is a virtue closely linked with the cardinal virtue of temperance.
Chastity is not achieved quickly nor is it attained easily. Through grace and by exercising the virtue of temperance (self-control) over time we can develop it and enjoy its fruits. Chastity, a virtue cultivated by grace and effort, requires a reordering within the human heart. The transformation is one of selfishness to one of self - donation. The desire for affection and conjugal union is natural and the marital act is inherently good because of the goods that result from the act itself.
To fall in love with someone is easy, but to "be in love" or stay in love with someone is difficult. Our spouse is our cross or "hairshirt." In other words, loving our spouse, despite their imperfections, is one of the ways that we can exercise penance. When we enter into marriage, we take up our cross daily as we accept the good with the bad. We must look at marriage from a practical viewpoint. We cannot expect our spouse to bring us total happiness or total love because only God has the power to do that. When you have those kind of unrealistic expectations for your spouse, you are setting up that person for failure and yourself up for disappointment.
Chris spoke about the importance of complimenting your spouse.
We should not need compliments from outside of the marital relationship because we are giving one another that honest praise, recognition, and love that we both need. When that type of recognition or appreciation of one's partner is not given, people are tempted to look outside the marriage for it.
In his book, Sex, Marriage, and Chastity, William May describes some of the violations against marital chastity:
1. It is necessary to observe that spouses can violate marital chastity by an insensitivity toward one another and an unreasonable and unjustified abstention from the marital act.
2. Spouses need to be held and embraced and kissed if they are to grow in their love for one another. Thoughtlessness, insensitivity, and a failure to manifest affection are all ways of violating the requirements of marital chastity.
3. Another way in which married persons can defile the marriage bed and act against marital chastity and the goods of marriage and marital love is to seek sexual union against the reasonable desires and wishes of their spouses. Such acts are by no means expressions of a chaste marital love but rather destructive of such love.
4. Another serious way that spouses can act against the requirements of chastity and of marital love is to act in ways destructive to the good of procreation - contraception.
5. There are other modes of violating marital chastity. The culture in which we live encourages us to taste encourages us to taste every joy of sex. It encourages both married and unmarried persons to do so, and there is a widespread attitude that for married couples, anything goes so long as there is mutual consent. Practices that pursue the goal of pleasure and self-gratification as a sole end in itself are regarded as morally repugnant. The authentic goods of marriage must always be spousal fidelity and love and procreation.
Our speakers were Maria and Chris, who met at Franciscan University at Steubenville during their first year, then parted ways. Chris left to complete his education at Ave Maria University, where he earned his Bachelor's degree in Theology; Maria stayed on at FUS - Steubenville, where she earned her Bachelor's degree in Education and Theology and a Master's degree in Theology. They have 4 children now and Maria is a homeschooling mom with a new baby.
Here are some of the key points or highlights of their talk that fascinated me.
Chris began by explaining to us how chastity is freeing - it frees us from sin and bad habits. Chastity is the opposite of lust - when we lust, we look upon one another as an object for our own selfish pleasure, while chastity frees love from selfishness and aggressiveness. Chastity frees us to truly love and to give as we ought to give.
CCC 2351: Lust is a disordered desire for inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated for its procreative and unitive purposes.
There are two kinds of virtue: theological and cardinal. The cardinal virtues are: prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. Temperance or self-control is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will's mastery over instincts and keeps the desires within the limits of what is honorable. Chastity is a virtue closely linked with the cardinal virtue of temperance.
Chastity is not achieved quickly nor is it attained easily. Through grace and by exercising the virtue of temperance (self-control) over time we can develop it and enjoy its fruits. Chastity, a virtue cultivated by grace and effort, requires a reordering within the human heart. The transformation is one of selfishness to one of self - donation. The desire for affection and conjugal union is natural and the marital act is inherently good because of the goods that result from the act itself.
To fall in love with someone is easy, but to "be in love" or stay in love with someone is difficult. Our spouse is our cross or "hairshirt." In other words, loving our spouse, despite their imperfections, is one of the ways that we can exercise penance. When we enter into marriage, we take up our cross daily as we accept the good with the bad. We must look at marriage from a practical viewpoint. We cannot expect our spouse to bring us total happiness or total love because only God has the power to do that. When you have those kind of unrealistic expectations for your spouse, you are setting up that person for failure and yourself up for disappointment.
Chris spoke about the importance of complimenting your spouse.
We should not need compliments from outside of the marital relationship because we are giving one another that honest praise, recognition, and love that we both need. When that type of recognition or appreciation of one's partner is not given, people are tempted to look outside the marriage for it.
In his book, Sex, Marriage, and Chastity, William May describes some of the violations against marital chastity:
1. It is necessary to observe that spouses can violate marital chastity by an insensitivity toward one another and an unreasonable and unjustified abstention from the marital act.
2. Spouses need to be held and embraced and kissed if they are to grow in their love for one another. Thoughtlessness, insensitivity, and a failure to manifest affection are all ways of violating the requirements of marital chastity.
3. Another way in which married persons can defile the marriage bed and act against marital chastity and the goods of marriage and marital love is to seek sexual union against the reasonable desires and wishes of their spouses. Such acts are by no means expressions of a chaste marital love but rather destructive of such love.
4. Another serious way that spouses can act against the requirements of chastity and of marital love is to act in ways destructive to the good of procreation - contraception.
5. There are other modes of violating marital chastity. The culture in which we live encourages us to taste encourages us to taste every joy of sex. It encourages both married and unmarried persons to do so, and there is a widespread attitude that for married couples, anything goes so long as there is mutual consent. Practices that pursue the goal of pleasure and self-gratification as a sole end in itself are regarded as morally repugnant. The authentic goods of marriage must always be spousal fidelity and love and procreation.
Comments
Post a Comment
Comments are moderated and are published at the blogger's discretion.